The death of someone close to you teaches you never to take life for granted, that life is short, and worth living. A week later, it still feels surreal at times, like she's not dead, like she's still part of my life. At other times, reality hits, hard. I will never see her face again, never hear her laugh, make silly jokes that aren't even funny but totally cracked us up. There is a hole in my heart, in my life. I know it will heal, in time, but for now, it just hurts. I am so thankful that I have spent more time with her in the last three months than ever before in our five-year friendship. It hurts more, to have been so close, but it also helps more... because I understand. I understand. And I have nothing to regret. I feel sorry for those who knew, but were too busy to make time. I feel sorry for those who didn't bother to give their time when they had it, but now its too late.

I see her everywhere - when I close my eyes, I see her in better days gone by; when I go home, I see where she sat and walked; when I meet my friends, I remember what we had, and the empty seat; in my dreams, she visits me... As I said, time will heal, and time will dim memories.
At her wake, I saw so much love, so much tears. It makes me proud to see her impact on lives, on the world. Especially her students... I read all their letters out to her... I learnt alot about her as a teacher, as a friend. It was touching, to see the boys she influenced, to see how much she meant to them.
I pray that her soul is now at rest. I pray that her family will be strong, and be comforted in His love. I pray for all of us, who loved Serene.

hey loooonnnggg time no write!!! hmm...sooooo many things have happened since november!!! lets list them out shall we?
- JIS reunion in jakarta - let me say that it was awesome seeing friends i hadn't seen in six years (nor kept in touch with actually!)!!!! i had soooo much fun, it was just like high school days again! and we think that we actually grew up and matured! haha. and i got to stay with sam, my bestest buddy! yeah, so that was truly fantabulous! and i celebrated the new year countdown there as well! not that it was much of a countdown, with the tsunami event happening a few days before, there wasn't much of a mood to celebrate
- i started a new job on january 3!! yay! was estatic to be starting the new year with a bang and auspicious beginning! anyway, its been great (albeit extremely busy!) but honestly, i love it. =))
- renee also quit platinum and started a new job, as a circus trapeze at club med!!! so i'm missing my housemate and friend very very much!! but happy for her. she's come back for a visit from bali, as she's getting transferred to cherating. wah, she's soooooooo dark!! almost black! hehe.
- oh yeah i passed my cfa exam that i was so dreading! amazing stuff, praise the lord! couldn't have done it without all the prayers!
- another good friend got a new job as well! helen is now working with autistic children! looks like we all got off the new year to a good start!
- chinese new year has passed by! i think the full 15 days are finished, but i'm not 100% sure on that! no ang paws this year tho... =(( oh well, got lots of 'gambling' done. hehe
- i bought a piano!! a real, wooden piano with all its keys and pedals and stuff, for a freaking 50 bucks!! thats a fantastic deal!! i paid 80 bucks alone to get it transported to my house! haha. its sitting pretty in my ROOM!
- need i say more? seems like so much has happened =)

Somewhere over the rainbow, Way up high
There's a land that I heard of, Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow, Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream, Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow, Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow, Why then, oh why can't I?

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow, Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow, Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly, Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

yeah, so i had a great weekend! drank, danced, surrounded by great people! it was good fun! and tomorrow's the start of a 5-day break! deepavali and hari raya puasa happened to coincide this year, giving us two extra days to the weekend! i'm going back to KL with jay and kenny, and will hopefully do lots of shopping, spend some quality time with my family, and check out a few clubs in KL! i always here people saying how great the clubbing scene is in my hometown, but the sad fact is that i have no friends there to go out with! i haven't lived there since i was 7! and at that age u don't really keep in touch with friends. what's more, i didn't know about the internet then! when was the net invented..? hmm... i left KL in 1990... wow, i've been away for 14 years! and i'm only 22! haha. anyway, back to the topic - i finally get to go clubbing in KL! YAY!!  i'll be back on saturday late night, and sunday my plans are all lined up to go to zouk! apparently there's some awesome DJ and my friends are dragging me there! not that i'm complaining, but just a bit tight on cash! oh WELL! if u don't have fun now, when are you going to have fun? if u don't enjoy life now, when are u going to enjoy life? hmm...such deep philosophical questions!

frequent urges to drink...i can't stop thinking about it...the tingly feeling after a gulp...the relaxation produced...the lack of inhibition that follows...am i an alcoholic? *working at my desk, day dreaming*
didn't sleep much yesterday...was talking on the phone til 4am! could barely drag myself out of bed this morning! but it was worth it...talking to my baby and my sis after that...maintaining relationships is unmeasurable and unquantifiable, and does not need to be justified.
what am i talking about? rambling on as usual. *drink drink drink!*
can't wait for tonight... when i'm going - u guessed it! - drinking!! haha. mmm...love it!